Archives for the month of: September, 2013

Our occasional babysitter, Shawna B. bought a real Monster Truck! Why would a girl who is a senior in college want a monster truck? Hmmm, so she can be called the coolest babysitter ever!

I had Shawna in American Literature back in the day. She bought Nolan his first outfit when I was pregnant, I’ll never forget… A little blue sweatsuit with whales on it! Now four years later the boys know her well.

As a surprise on Friday, Shawna pulled up in her aqua truck to let the boys climb inside & honk the horn. She even let Nolan go for a ride around the block in a booster seat… And he tried to talk her into bringing him to the supermarket (of all places?)

I uses the surprise visit as a behavior modification tool all day leading up to her visit. Threats like “oh, I’m going to text Shawna and tell her she can’t bring the surprise over…” worked in my favor all day.

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I can’t tell you how much I love this song. I was trying to hold out and post this video on a Friday… you know, so I could be like “baby it’s the freakin’ weekend ’bout to have me some fun!” But, then I remembered I am a mother of three kids. And my husband is going away. So the freakin’ weekend is about to have me some work.

As always I need to share some observations about this song. First, I think Nick Cannon is the DJ in the club. I’m thinking it was before he starred in Drumline, the single best movie on VH1. I can’t pass that movie up when it is on. I wish I played the drums so bad! 

I love that he is wearing blinged out Celtics stuff. 

At one point in the song he sings “We got food everywhere as if it was catered.” So, this huge party was not catered? Like it was a potluck party… R. Kelly brought a casserole to this bash? They have Crystal poppin, but it people brought their own apps? Is that right?

What is with the white guy dancing cameo. They do this huge dramatic pause with this dorky white guy in the middle of a dance circle and you think… “Oh, man this kid is going to bust a move! He is going to pop & lock or something!” But, no. He is a horrible dancer. He dances like a dorky white guy. 

Also I love the random 360 degree camera rotation showing R. Kelly’s amazing braids… even though the song specifically says that she runs her hands through his fro. Let’s get on the same page here!

I know that R. Kelly is a complete weirdo and creep. But, I love this song. And you know what I love even better? R. Kelly’s Rap Opera – Trapped in Closet. This never ending song/video has 33 chapters of rapping insanity about cheating lovers. It should be on broadway. The acting is… well, you just have to see it for yourself. I’ll have to devote a whole other post to my reflections on this one. Until then… check out chapter 1.

 

Here are some recent conversations with my kids.

For the third time in one day…
Me – “Emmitt, did you poop?”
Emmitt – “No, I no poopy.”
Me – “Are you lying?”
Emmitt – “I lyin’. Rooooarrr!”

After discussing peanut allergies while making cupcakes for a class party…
Me – “Nolan, you can’t bring your walkie talkies to preschool”
Nolan “Why, are kids ‘llergic to them?”
Me – “yes.”

Nolan wearing a pair of rosary beads around his neck
Steve – “What are you wearing?”
Nolan – “My church necklace from when Emmitt & Greta got married.” (or baptized… whatevs.)

Getting ready for bed
Me – “Emmitt lets put on your pajamas!”
Emmitt – “Daddy frowed them away.”
Me – “Are you lying?
Emmitt – “I lying… Roaarrr!”

On taco tuesday…
Nolan – “Emmitt I’ll show you how to make a taco. First you put the circle thing on a flat surface.” (love hearing new vocabulary that you wouldn’t expect from him!)

While Nolan’s favorite adjective is “soaking”, Emmitt has some new slang himself. He suddenly uses the word “Heavy” for anything that is big.

While feeding him yogurt because I don’t feel like changing his clothes one more time today…
Emmitt – “I want a heavy bite.”

During a temper tantrum at Nolan’s preschool pick up…
Emmitt – “I want a heavy cracker”
Me – “Here is a graham cracker.”
Emmitt – (throws cracker in my face) No! A HEAVY CRACKER!
Me – “This is the heaviest cracker I have.
(other parents staring)

While I was at Tedeschi’s buying a 9 volt battery for the new walkie talkies, Steve texted to say that Emmitt told him that he swallowed one of the balls to the Hungry Hungry Hippos game. When I got home I asked him…
Me – “Emmitt did you eat the red ball?”
Emmitt – “No!”
Me – “Are you lying?!”
Emmitt – “I lyin’ ROAR!”

I usually can’t stand when people write stuff like this as facebook statuses… because I secretly don’t think their kids actually say stuff that funny. But, now that my kids are getting older, it’s like every other sentence is hysterical. If anything, I am writing this stuff here so I can look back on it someday and laugh!

Imagine what some of our favorite TV shows from childhood would be like if they were set in modern times? Here is how different would things be…

The Waltons

Good Night John-Boy

It took the Walton family about an hour to say goodnight to each other at the end of each episode. In this day and age, Daddy would have invested in a good family plan and each kid would have their own iPhone. They could just send out a group text…

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Punky Brewster
Back in the day Punky Brewster was considered to have pretty far out style. Her choice of attire and unique individuality wouldn’t even be considered unique these days! Punky would be “Normal Brewster”

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Little House on the Prairie

First Carrie would have been wearing a helmet while playing on the hill… Preventing any brain damage that occurred in filming the opening credits.

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Nellie Oleson, the biggest brat in the history of television, would have been in some sort of sensitivity training by the end of season one based on the new bullying laws.

Nellie would have no basis for her snobbery, because the Oleson’s general store would have gone under as soon as the new Target went up in Walnut Grove. On the other hand, Harriet Olson would surely have her own reality TV show similar to Dance Moms or something.

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What were your favorite TV shows growing up? How would they be different today?

In an effort to supplement our income and establish a revenue stream that will allow me to stay home forever with my children, I have been brainstorming some new business ideas. I know I’ll always have http://www.peggottyprints.com, but it couldn’t hurt to have some other ways to earn money.

Scituate Turkey Tours – So, I am going to decorate my minivan to look like a giant turkey (then the turkey’s won’t be scared when we drive right up to them and gawk at them). It’s kind of like the TMZ bus tours in Hollywood, only better. I can guarantee sitings on Lawson Rd. & the West End… but the only pit fall is that I will only have two seats available once all my children are in the van with me. I’m going to have to look into getting some sort of trailer with folding chairs duct taped to it.

Lettuce Stand – I’m seriously considering applying for a peddlers license at town hall and opening up a lettuce stand right outside Maria’s during the summer. I’ll charge $2 per handful and out-of-towners will eat it up!

Portable Man Caves – Kind of like those Bouncy Houses you rent for kids parties… these would be little trailers stocked with beer, tv’s (with the NFL Sunday ticket), video games, buffalo wings, etc. You could rent it for your husband and it would be like a little spa day for him.

iPhone Dealer – Looking into buying iPhone’s and spray painting them gold and selling them on the internet.

Fitscaping – I’m hoping to start a new fitness craze that involves training clients by means of landscaping (my yard). Fat burning activities include push mowing my lawn, hauling brush, & shoveling mulch. Clients will pay me to do my yardwork.

A Weight Watchers Program for Pets – Once you get in shape with Fitscape, you are going to want your pets to lead a healthy lifestyle too. I am currently working on a point system for pets looking to lose a few pounds. Baby carrots will definitely be zero points… so go crazy Frances.

Disposable Socks for Infants & Toddlers – They are always losing them anyways. So, why not just accept it. I’m developing a prototype using paper towels as the textile.

Finger Nail Whisperers – These would be trained finger nail technicians that travel to your house after bath time to cut your toddler’s finger nails. They would bring props to distract your flailing child. I know my kids would totally go for it if they brought an old DVD of Cars and a powerwheels with a dead battery to sit in when they clip their nails. Picture Snip Itz, but with finger nails. Oh, wait maybe I should call it Clip Itz.

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This was probably ridiculously time consuming to calculate and I love it. People that are willing to do weird stuff like this are awesome. He wasn’t solving the national debt problem, ending world hunger or finding a cure for a fatal disease, but it was pretty cool to see how insane that montage to “Gonna Fly Now” really was. There is no way Rocky ran that far in his training run… it totaled over 30 miles! 30 miles and he still had energy to jump around with little kids the end… I think not.

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Open-Letter-Graphic

An Open Letter to the Writers of Open Letters.

You don’t know me, but you know how this format goes. It starts by me saying “you don’t know me…” but then going onto describe myself, so you get to know me. I’m just a mum to three kids, with a small side business I’ll shamelessly plug because hey, if this goes viral, it couldn’t hurt sales at http://www.peggottyprints.com. I’m going to pretend this open letter is a call to action. I’m going to use this format to force upon you my righteous views. And I’ll act like I don’t want all this attention, but the essence of this very format is a like a giant red arrow pointing towards my own self profiting agenda & screams look at me! I need attention!

Heart of the matter: I am writing this open letter to ask that writers of open letters please find a new and creative way to express your views, shame your readers & call attention to issues in our current society. The open letter has become boring & cliche. I’m tired of the format! I don’t need people writing a letter and posting on facebook telling me how to live / do my job/ parent /eat / spend my money / dress .

Please make an info-graphic, it’s more current and in touch with my needs. I’d love a little flow chart that I can refer to when situations arise at the local playground and I need to know how to parent effectively.

Sincerely,
Jess

Online Photography College

This advertisement just popped up on my facebook newsfeed. I’m just wondering who the marketing genius was behind this advertising campaign. First, let’s analyze the picture. Wow, what beautiful fairy wings on your baby. You know what would look even more whimsical? Let’s cover your baby in glitter glue! And because this baby is so young, her eyelashes just haven’t had time to grow. Let’s glue on some fake eyelashes. Oh, wait. Now that I look at this picture more closely, I think that this is actually a doll that the person has chosen to photograph. That makes me feel better that they didn’t put glitter glue on a real newborn.

So, let’s say you are a “mom” and a “photographer” and you just finished your degree 100% online and you are showcasing your portfolio to potential clients by presenting them with pictures of dolls. That’s not creepy. As a mom with moving children, I know how difficult it is to capture photographs of them because well, they don’t stop moving. So, I would probably lean toward having a photographer with experience photographing real children that move and stuff. Maybe I’m crazy. Maybe I should go to bed because it’s 10:19 and I am analyzing a facebook ad.

Nolan went back to school on Monday. It is his second year of preschool and this year we enrolled him in the Early Childhood Center at the high school. His classroom is right down the hall from Steve’s which is awesome. He goes to school Monday-Thursday mornings. It was a super hard decision to leave Owl’s Crossing because we loved the teachers there. But, the high school program seemed to be a perfect fit for our family and budget (and 4 days… woot woot!) So far, so good. He absolutely loves it. He came up to my room this morning at 6:18 fully dressed (in puma workout gear) and said “I’m all ready for school. I think we are going to be a little early, maybe we should do a drive-around?”  Yeah, we are three hours early, bud.

Getting all three kids out the door and to school on time is feat, so I always get them ready way earlier than we need to be somewhere. We live like 6 minutes from school, but I have them out the door at least a half hour before we need to be there, because you never know what might arise. Not to mention the time it takes to get all three kids strapped in carseats, then all three kids out the car, two put in a double stroller and then into the school to drop him off. I always cruise around town to kill time before getting to school and we call it a “drive around” or “loopdy loop” which Nolan calls “woopdy woop.”  He is always so excited to get to school that he complains “No, woopdy woop! Take a right!”  

All in all it has been an awesome start to the school year. It’s amazing how well he adjusted to a new school. He is so independent and social, it’s really fun to watch him in action.

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Greta, Emmitt & Nolan on the front steps before his first day of school 

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Nolan in front of his locker at school… he slams it shut every morning just like the big kids!

sidenote about the lockers – Each kid has a locker with a name tag and their picture on it. Each day this week when we are waiting outside his classroom, Emmitt walks up to Atticus Ames’ locker and says “That’s Emmitt’s locker!” He thinks it’s a picture of himself. And it cracks me up!

 

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I hate you… and love you, Dr. Brown. You are genius for developing a vent system for baby bottles. But, you absolutely suck for having a patent design that involves 27 parts to a bottle. We are constantly one piece short. It’s like oh, I have the bottle, and the vent, and the tube and the ring… but wait… where’s the nipple? Oh, wait I have the nipple, bottle, ring and tube… oh wait, there is no vent? It’s like this every time I make a bottle it seems.