Archives for category: husband

Here are some recent conversations with my kids.

For the third time in one day…
Me – “Emmitt, did you poop?”
Emmitt – “No, I no poopy.”
Me – “Are you lying?”
Emmitt – “I lyin’. Rooooarrr!”

After discussing peanut allergies while making cupcakes for a class party…
Me – “Nolan, you can’t bring your walkie talkies to preschool”
Nolan “Why, are kids ‘llergic to them?”
Me – “yes.”

Nolan wearing a pair of rosary beads around his neck
Steve – “What are you wearing?”
Nolan – “My church necklace from when Emmitt & Greta got married.” (or baptized… whatevs.)

Getting ready for bed
Me – “Emmitt lets put on your pajamas!”
Emmitt – “Daddy frowed them away.”
Me – “Are you lying?
Emmitt – “I lying… Roaarrr!”

On taco tuesday…
Nolan – “Emmitt I’ll show you how to make a taco. First you put the circle thing on a flat surface.” (love hearing new vocabulary that you wouldn’t expect from him!)

While Nolan’s favorite adjective is “soaking”, Emmitt has some new slang himself. He suddenly uses the word “Heavy” for anything that is big.

While feeding him yogurt because I don’t feel like changing his clothes one more time today…
Emmitt – “I want a heavy bite.”

During a temper tantrum at Nolan’s preschool pick up…
Emmitt – “I want a heavy cracker”
Me – “Here is a graham cracker.”
Emmitt – (throws cracker in my face) No! A HEAVY CRACKER!
Me – “This is the heaviest cracker I have.
(other parents staring)

While I was at Tedeschi’s buying a 9 volt battery for the new walkie talkies, Steve texted to say that Emmitt told him that he swallowed one of the balls to the Hungry Hungry Hippos game. When I got home I asked him…
Me – “Emmitt did you eat the red ball?”
Emmitt – “No!”
Me – “Are you lying?!”
Emmitt – “I lyin’ ROAR!”

I usually can’t stand when people write stuff like this as facebook statuses… because I secretly don’t think their kids actually say stuff that funny. But, now that my kids are getting older, it’s like every other sentence is hysterical. If anything, I am writing this stuff here so I can look back on it someday and laugh!



Critical Analysis of Children’s Programing 

I occasionally let my children watch TV. *cough, occasionally* And if I have to sit through these 22 minute episodes, you better believe I’m going to  critique the plot lines, characters & themes… Do these shows producers think the parents don’t watch the shows with their kids? Because I do…

I think the biggest question on everyone’s mind when watching Max & Ruby is where are their parents? It’s like Ruby is the original Teen Mom having to take care of Max all by herself at such a young age. She is constantly trying to juggle work earning bunny scout badges while caring  for a mischevious younger brother all at the same time. Not to mention the fact that she is no where near equipped to handle a bunny like Max. For starters she should probably get Max a speech eval, since it appears he is three or four years old and still unable to form sentences. He repeats the same word for the entire episode and makes Ruby’s life a living hell. Then Grandma swoops in at the end of it all and praises him for being the perfect grandson. While Ruby just continues to work harder to impress her (& her bunny scout leader). I’m really worried about the amount of stress this bunny takes on and how it is going to impact her later I’m life. She is bound to unravel at some point or turn to drugs… I can picture her pouring out her heart to Dr. Drew on Celebrity Rehab 15 years from now.



Stan and Jan Berenstein must have really regretted naming the Bears Brother & Sister once they ran out of story ideas and needed the third kid to arrive on the scene to rejuvinate the series.  I would have gone with the name baby bear, but they had to change the whole name theme and call her “honey.” And the characterization of mama & papa is just irritating. Papa is a complete doofus, while mama is all-knowing and completely condescending in her tone of voice. They are totally headed for splitsville, then will there be a stepbrother & stepsister bear?The side characters are completely unrealistic… Especially Queenie Bear. First time I saw her on the screen I thought she was a middle aged gym teacher not sister bears best friend.  Even my sister’s agreed that Queenie bear was a characatire of Ms.Wolfe the Gates School gym teacher.Oh and Ted the bus driver also owns a summer camp in which he serves as director, counselor, cook, swim instructor, teaches archery, canoeing and serves as bus driver. It couldn’t meet American Camping Association standards.  I will say… I absolutely love their theme song, so they got that going for them.



Speaking of theme songs, we cannot watch Curious George without singing the theme song as “Bi-curious George” It’s to the point where I don’t think my kids know the real song because Steve & I are always slipping Bi-Curious in there. And if my kids ever sing it in public that way, people will just think we are really progressive or perverted. Either way… It’s a nice show. No big issues with the man with the yellow hat.


Another PBS favorite is Sid the Science Kid. First of all, I would love to see a spin off featuring just Gerald & Sid’s grandma. Both those characters are just plain weird and it would be wicked entertaining. I can’t believe Sid’s parents allow Sid to ride home from school with Grandma everyday. I don’t think she’s all there. And Gerald is straight up hysterical, I love that boy. As an educator, I really struggle with teacher Suzy and her favoritism. You see, everyday Sid wakes up and has a question about his surroundings… Like why are my shoes too small or where is that ant going? And suddenly teacher Suzy has a perfectly tailored lesson plan that answers all Sid’s questions with an experiment and song and dance. It’s like his mother emails Suzy every morning and she just whips up a lesson plan for Sid. But what about the rest of the kids in his class… It’s so not fair.
Doc McStuffin’s is blatantly the Obama family.  I don’t know how the president of the United States has the time to do voice overs for the Disney Channel when we have way bigger issues facing our country today. I just hope it isn’t impacting his ability to lead our nation…



Poor Calliou. Everybody hates on that boy. He is a critical part of the Maguire family nap routine. So, I’m not gonna hate. Plus, anybody that talks trash about a bald Canadian preschooler with a lisp has issues of their own. I have no problem hating on Rosie or  the grandparents… They are wicked annoying. Oh, and will someone please help his neighbor Sarah with her bangs? She cut them herself, right? Because if they paid a hairstylist for that… I’d ask for a refund. 



Mickey Mouse Clubhouse would be the bomb if they didn’t count so freaking slow, eliminated Martian Mickey from all episodes, & integrated even more They Might Be Giants songs into their programming. I am also really concerned about the message they are sending young children with constant references to Goofy’s pineapple underpants.
Can all problems in life really be solved in three special steps? Special Agent Oso’s creators seem to think so. But, unfortunately life is more complex and we are setting up our children for failure if they really think learning to fold laundry can be done in three special steps. Also, all of the episode names are a parody of James Bond movies or novels and with 60 different episodes it is a total stretch for most of the episode titles… Like coldfingers, carousel royale, & thunder berries. It’s just stupid.
Okay. It’s 11 pm and I need to stop… I could go on forever. People already must think I am insane for devoting this much thought and energy to these shows. But if you have a second, in the comment section tell me your favorite or least favorite kids show… And then go visit browse awhile! 


Does anyone watch Bar Rescue? My husband and I DVR this show and then watch it after the kids go to bed (whenever we have enough energy to stay up after our kids go to bed, that is!) We have been making the mistake of not extending the recording and it seems that SPIKE tv runs on a slightly different clock than the rest of the world and we miss the last two minutes and never know the follow up details of the how the bar is doing after the big renovation! It’s so annoying. But, enough about our DVR woes… what I am here to talk about it John Taffer. The star of Bar Rescue and the nations leading expert on bars.


This dude is two kinds of crazy. Just look at his eyes. I love when he walks into the bar to confront the owners. He acts all professional for the initial introduction and within 30 seconds he is flipping out on the owner about the unsanitary conditions. And he doesn’t back down or give them an inch. I have never seen a person win in an argument with John Taffer on this show. If he tells you to wash something, you wash something. If he tells you to take out the trash, you take out the trash. If he tells you to change your clothes, you go change your clothes. I think he would be the best wing man at my house. I would love him as back up to tell Nolan to pick up his legos, yell at Emmitt to get his diaper changed, explain to Greta she needs to go to sleep ASAP so her parents can watch another episode of Bar Rescue.

If you haven’t seen the show… I suggest you tune in.

At our house we tune into WCVB daily, mainly because my husband has to watch the weather. Before meeting Steve I rarely watched the news and never selected a specific station as my only news source. Well, Steve has to watch the Channel 5 weather every day because he loves the StormTeam coverage. He talks to Harvey Leonard through the TV screen during every report questioning his predictions for weather patterns. I have become a loyal fan over the years. I tune in along side him, not for the weather, but because I love to hate on the newscasters. Love to hate? Hmmm, that is quite a contradiction. I actually enjoy getting annoyed by the newscasters. Where do we even begin with this news team? I guess a good start would be Ed Harding since he is the central figure at the news desk.

Ed Harding – It feels like he is on every single news cast throughout the day. I think he lives in a small utility closet at the station. When a storm rolls thru New England, Ed will be sitting there at the desk with his reading glasses perched on the end of his nose, a quarter zip sweater over a shirt and tie narrating the falling snow with such overdramatic comments it’s comical. I think during one storm I saw him on the news for like 36 hours straight. He has to be hot with those studio lights shining down on his sweater. Back in the late 2000’s WCVB did a huge overhaul and booted a bunch of newscasters, but Ed still remained. I think he signed some crazy contract in which he works every shift and in return he gets paid in Livestrong Bracelets.



Bianca Delagarza – Bianca works the early morning news casts because she comes straight from “da club” to work. Her flashy attire is not typical of an anchorwoman. Check out this lacy number she was wearing today. I’m not sure if it is a blouse of neglige? But, I’m sure it doesn’t hurt their ratings with the male viewers in the 35-60 age range.


She wore this red get up during the blizzard in February. While Ed is bundling up for the storm with his quarter zip sweater, Bianca is cutting holes in her top to make sure that StormTeam coverage doesn’t steal her thunder! She had the whole Boston area in a frenzy… and not to go buy milk!


Susan Wornick – Susan is another mainstay in the channel 5 newsroom. I just saw her today on the news at noon and she is treading a fine line between lots of bangs and a mullet. She is another newscaster that survived the overhaul in the late 2000’s. While Nat & Chet were forced to retire, they kept Susan so she could keep her health insurance for the weekly screenings at her dermatologist. If anyone has ever seen her chest in HD it is public service announcement for the importance of sunscreen. I’ve noticed that the wardrobe department has started to adorn her with gianormous necklaces to cover up that sunkissed chest. Oh my god, I am so mean. I am seriously only doing this for laughs. I really do like Susan. (I don’t really care about Bianca. And honestly don’t like Ed.) But, Susan she’s a good egg. She’s old school.


Randy Price – I am not going to say anything bad about Randy because I love him. He and Tom Selleck are the only two people on earth who look handsome with a mustache. He seems down to earth and nice. I am not going to pick on Randy in case I ever meet him in real life. I want to be his friend.


Both my husband and I are high school teachers with small businesses on the side. I do my print thing at night after the kids go to bed. While Steve travels all over the country doing staff trainings as a summer camp consultant. He is on the road a lot during the summer months and for the most part I am used to being home alone with my three kids and dog. You know the saying “Absence makes the heart grow fonder…” I think it is totally true. And I also believe Absence makes the house stay cleaner. But, seriously I get into a good groove managing the house when he isn’t home. And there is lots of quiet time at night to work on my prints (cough, cough because I put the kids to bed at 6:30 when he isn’t home). Well, this week marked the last trip of the season and then he is off for the month of August. We made it through the summer mostly unscathed until this point. And then he left for Oregon. He texted me late the night he arrived and reminded me to lock the doors. And I decided that maybe I should close our downstairs window in the kitchen that sits over the sink so that no intruders could just jump right into our house. We have those kind of windows that fold inward so you can wash them easily. Well, when I went to close the window the top half of the window wasn’t latched properly and it fell forward and I stopped it from falling in the kitchen sink and shattering. The only thing is… I stopped it with my face, well my nose in particular.




note the dirty dishes, multiple canisters of baby formula and a police scanner on the counter. This pretty much sums up my life.


I had a big cut on the bridge of my nose and I heard an awfully loud crack, so I assume I broke it. I texted my sister who is a nurse and she said that there is nothing they really do for it. So, after icing it for awhile I threw some neosporin on the cut and covered it for the night with a Phineus & Ferb bandaid. 



The following night I had to stay up late preparing samples and handouts for Heritage Days. It was about 11 and my dog was sitting on the front steps of the house when I heard a bark and then smelled it. The pungent smell of skunk. So, intense it made my eyes water. I flung open the front door and yelled “Franny want your dinner?” Because that is the only thing my dog responds to most of the time…  She runs in the house flinging skunk juice every where and I immediately gave her a bath in dawn dish soap and baking soda. The whole house still reeked. And I tried to keep her from sleeping on the couch by stacking kitchen chairs there… but was unsuccessful.



I decided there was no solving the smell that night. So I gave her a Phineus & Ferb bandaid and went to bed.



So, needless to say. I am ready for my husband to get home and start our summer vacation. It’s never a dull moment over here at the Maguire house. And as I was checking on the healing process of the cut on my nose, I realized that it appears to be in the perfect shape of a sea gull flying in the distance. So nautical and cute. I think it will inspire a new print.


We recently had the interior of our minivan fixed after an unusual event occurred last Easter. My husband accidentally left the door to our minivan open after helping the boys get out of the back seat. As I was riding away from our house in my sisters car, I quickly texted Steve (who was inside watching the Masters) about the situation and asked him to close the door. Here is the text…Image

Well, imagine if Steve didn’t get the chance to close the door. Turns out… he continued to watch golf and forgot all about it. So, when I arrived home a few hours later I just hit the automatic door button and closed it without really looking inside the van. 

Flash forward to the next morning. We are all ready to head over to my family’s house to celebrate Easter, we open the door to the van and the doors are completely chewed apart, there is squirrel shit everywhere… ImageImage

The squirrel had chewed the holes in the doors right in front of the side view mirrors, almost as if they could see themselves in the reflection of the mirror and thought that another squirrel was helping them try to escape. Needless to say, we had to get the van cleaned up before heading out for the day… we couldn’t let our kids sit in squirrel poop. So, Steve, with our dog Frances in tow headed to the local gas station to vacuum it out. When he arrived at the mobil station and turned on the vacuum, a squirrel jumped out of the dashboard, onto the dog and out the side door. It scurried across RT 3A to safety. And scared the crap out of Steve… which he totally deserved!