Archives for category: opinion

I can’t tell you how much I love this song. I was trying to hold out and post this video on a Friday… you know, so I could be like “baby it’s the freakin’ weekend ’bout to have me some fun!” But, then I remembered I am a mother of three kids. And my husband is going away. So the freakin’ weekend is about to have me some work.

As always I need to share some observations about this song. First, I think Nick Cannon is the DJ in the club. I’m thinking it was before he starred in Drumline, the single best movie on VH1. I can’t pass that movie up when it is on. I wish I played the drums so bad! 

I love that he is wearing blinged out Celtics stuff. 

At one point in the song he sings “We got food everywhere as if it was catered.” So, this huge party was not catered? Like it was a potluck party… R. Kelly brought a casserole to this bash? They have Crystal poppin, but it people brought their own apps? Is that right?

What is with the white guy dancing cameo. They do this huge dramatic pause with this dorky white guy in the middle of a dance circle and you think… “Oh, man this kid is going to bust a move! He is going to pop & lock or something!” But, no. He is a horrible dancer. He dances like a dorky white guy. 

Also I love the random 360 degree camera rotation showing R. Kelly’s amazing braids… even though the song specifically says that she runs her hands through his fro. Let’s get on the same page here!

I know that R. Kelly is a complete weirdo and creep. But, I love this song. And you know what I love even better? R. Kelly’s Rap Opera – Trapped in Closet. This never ending song/video has 33 chapters of rapping insanity about cheating lovers. It should be on broadway. The acting is… well, you just have to see it for yourself. I’ll have to devote a whole other post to my reflections on this one. Until then… check out chapter 1.

 

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Imagine what some of our favorite TV shows from childhood would be like if they were set in modern times? Here is how different would things be…

The Waltons

Good Night John-Boy

It took the Walton family about an hour to say goodnight to each other at the end of each episode. In this day and age, Daddy would have invested in a good family plan and each kid would have their own iPhone. They could just send out a group text…

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Punky Brewster
Back in the day Punky Brewster was considered to have pretty far out style. Her choice of attire and unique individuality wouldn’t even be considered unique these days! Punky would be “Normal Brewster”

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Little House on the Prairie

First Carrie would have been wearing a helmet while playing on the hill… Preventing any brain damage that occurred in filming the opening credits.

Little House Intro

Nellie Oleson, the biggest brat in the history of television, would have been in some sort of sensitivity training by the end of season one based on the new bullying laws.

Nellie would have no basis for her snobbery, because the Oleson’s general store would have gone under as soon as the new Target went up in Walnut Grove. On the other hand, Harriet Olson would surely have her own reality TV show similar to Dance Moms or something.

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What were your favorite TV shows growing up? How would they be different today?

In an effort to supplement our income and establish a revenue stream that will allow me to stay home forever with my children, I have been brainstorming some new business ideas. I know I’ll always have http://www.peggottyprints.com, but it couldn’t hurt to have some other ways to earn money.

Scituate Turkey Tours – So, I am going to decorate my minivan to look like a giant turkey (then the turkey’s won’t be scared when we drive right up to them and gawk at them). It’s kind of like the TMZ bus tours in Hollywood, only better. I can guarantee sitings on Lawson Rd. & the West End… but the only pit fall is that I will only have two seats available once all my children are in the van with me. I’m going to have to look into getting some sort of trailer with folding chairs duct taped to it.

Lettuce Stand – I’m seriously considering applying for a peddlers license at town hall and opening up a lettuce stand right outside Maria’s during the summer. I’ll charge $2 per handful and out-of-towners will eat it up!

Portable Man Caves – Kind of like those Bouncy Houses you rent for kids parties… these would be little trailers stocked with beer, tv’s (with the NFL Sunday ticket), video games, buffalo wings, etc. You could rent it for your husband and it would be like a little spa day for him.

iPhone Dealer – Looking into buying iPhone’s and spray painting them gold and selling them on the internet.

Fitscaping – I’m hoping to start a new fitness craze that involves training clients by means of landscaping (my yard). Fat burning activities include push mowing my lawn, hauling brush, & shoveling mulch. Clients will pay me to do my yardwork.

A Weight Watchers Program for Pets – Once you get in shape with Fitscape, you are going to want your pets to lead a healthy lifestyle too. I am currently working on a point system for pets looking to lose a few pounds. Baby carrots will definitely be zero points… so go crazy Frances.

Disposable Socks for Infants & Toddlers – They are always losing them anyways. So, why not just accept it. I’m developing a prototype using paper towels as the textile.

Finger Nail Whisperers – These would be trained finger nail technicians that travel to your house after bath time to cut your toddler’s finger nails. They would bring props to distract your flailing child. I know my kids would totally go for it if they brought an old DVD of Cars and a powerwheels with a dead battery to sit in when they clip their nails. Picture Snip Itz, but with finger nails. Oh, wait maybe I should call it Clip Itz.

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An Open Letter to the Writers of Open Letters.

You don’t know me, but you know how this format goes. It starts by me saying “you don’t know me…” but then going onto describe myself, so you get to know me. I’m just a mum to three kids, with a small side business I’ll shamelessly plug because hey, if this goes viral, it couldn’t hurt sales at http://www.peggottyprints.com. I’m going to pretend this open letter is a call to action. I’m going to use this format to force upon you my righteous views. And I’ll act like I don’t want all this attention, but the essence of this very format is a like a giant red arrow pointing towards my own self profiting agenda & screams look at me! I need attention!

Heart of the matter: I am writing this open letter to ask that writers of open letters please find a new and creative way to express your views, shame your readers & call attention to issues in our current society. The open letter has become boring & cliche. I’m tired of the format! I don’t need people writing a letter and posting on facebook telling me how to live / do my job/ parent /eat / spend my money / dress .

Please make an info-graphic, it’s more current and in touch with my needs. I’d love a little flow chart that I can refer to when situations arise at the local playground and I need to know how to parent effectively.

Sincerely,
Jess

 

 
Critical Analysis of Children’s Programing 
 

I occasionally let my children watch TV. *cough, occasionally* And if I have to sit through these 22 minute episodes, you better believe I’m going to  critique the plot lines, characters & themes… Do these shows producers think the parents don’t watch the shows with their kids? Because I do…

 
I think the biggest question on everyone’s mind when watching Max & Ruby is where are their parents? It’s like Ruby is the original Teen Mom having to take care of Max all by herself at such a young age. She is constantly trying to juggle work earning bunny scout badges while caring  for a mischevious younger brother all at the same time. Not to mention the fact that she is no where near equipped to handle a bunny like Max. For starters she should probably get Max a speech eval, since it appears he is three or four years old and still unable to form sentences. He repeats the same word for the entire episode and makes Ruby’s life a living hell. Then Grandma swoops in at the end of it all and praises him for being the perfect grandson. While Ruby just continues to work harder to impress her (& her bunny scout leader). I’m really worried about the amount of stress this bunny takes on and how it is going to impact her later I’m life. She is bound to unravel at some point or turn to drugs… I can picture her pouring out her heart to Dr. Drew on Celebrity Rehab 15 years from now.

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Stan and Jan Berenstein must have really regretted naming the Bears Brother & Sister once they ran out of story ideas and needed the third kid to arrive on the scene to rejuvinate the series.  I would have gone with the name baby bear, but they had to change the whole name theme and call her “honey.” And the characterization of mama & papa is just irritating. Papa is a complete doofus, while mama is all-knowing and completely condescending in her tone of voice. They are totally headed for splitsville, then will there be a stepbrother & stepsister bear?The side characters are completely unrealistic… Especially Queenie Bear. First time I saw her on the screen I thought she was a middle aged gym teacher not sister bears best friend.  Even my sister’s agreed that Queenie bear was a characatire of Ms.Wolfe the Gates School gym teacher.Oh and Ted the bus driver also owns a summer camp in which he serves as director, counselor, cook, swim instructor, teaches archery, canoeing and serves as bus driver. It couldn’t meet American Camping Association standards.  I will say… I absolutely love their theme song, so they got that going for them.

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Speaking of theme songs, we cannot watch Curious George without singing the theme song as “Bi-curious George” It’s to the point where I don’t think my kids know the real song because Steve & I are always slipping Bi-Curious in there. And if my kids ever sing it in public that way, people will just think we are really progressive or perverted. Either way… It’s a nice show. No big issues with the man with the yellow hat.

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Another PBS favorite is Sid the Science Kid. First of all, I would love to see a spin off featuring just Gerald & Sid’s grandma. Both those characters are just plain weird and it would be wicked entertaining. I can’t believe Sid’s parents allow Sid to ride home from school with Grandma everyday. I don’t think she’s all there. And Gerald is straight up hysterical, I love that boy. As an educator, I really struggle with teacher Suzy and her favoritism. You see, everyday Sid wakes up and has a question about his surroundings… Like why are my shoes too small or where is that ant going? And suddenly teacher Suzy has a perfectly tailored lesson plan that answers all Sid’s questions with an experiment and song and dance. It’s like his mother emails Suzy every morning and she just whips up a lesson plan for Sid. But what about the rest of the kids in his class… It’s so not fair.
 
Doc McStuffin’s is blatantly the Obama family.  I don’t know how the president of the United States has the time to do voice overs for the Disney Channel when we have way bigger issues facing our country today. I just hope it isn’t impacting his ability to lead our nation…

DAD, DOC MCSTUFFINS

 

 
 
Poor Calliou. Everybody hates on that boy. He is a critical part of the Maguire family nap routine. So, I’m not gonna hate. Plus, anybody that talks trash about a bald Canadian preschooler with a lisp has issues of their own. I have no problem hating on Rosie or  the grandparents… They are wicked annoying. Oh, and will someone please help his neighbor Sarah with her bangs? She cut them herself, right? Because if they paid a hairstylist for that… I’d ask for a refund. 

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Mickey Mouse Clubhouse would be the bomb if they didn’t count so freaking slow, eliminated Martian Mickey from all episodes, & integrated even more They Might Be Giants songs into their programming. I am also really concerned about the message they are sending young children with constant references to Goofy’s pineapple underpants.
 
Can all problems in life really be solved in three special steps? Special Agent Oso’s creators seem to think so. But, unfortunately life is more complex and we are setting up our children for failure if they really think learning to fold laundry can be done in three special steps. Also, all of the episode names are a parody of James Bond movies or novels and with 60 different episodes it is a total stretch for most of the episode titles… Like coldfingers, carousel royale, & thunder berries. It’s just stupid.
 
Okay. It’s 11 pm and I need to stop… I could go on forever. People already must think I am insane for devoting this much thought and energy to these shows. But if you have a second, in the comment section tell me your favorite or least favorite kids show… And then go visit www.peggottyprints.com browse awhile! 

 

Does anyone watch Bar Rescue? My husband and I DVR this show and then watch it after the kids go to bed (whenever we have enough energy to stay up after our kids go to bed, that is!) We have been making the mistake of not extending the recording and it seems that SPIKE tv runs on a slightly different clock than the rest of the world and we miss the last two minutes and never know the follow up details of the how the bar is doing after the big renovation! It’s so annoying. But, enough about our DVR woes… what I am here to talk about it John Taffer. The star of Bar Rescue and the nations leading expert on bars.

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This dude is two kinds of crazy. Just look at his eyes. I love when he walks into the bar to confront the owners. He acts all professional for the initial introduction and within 30 seconds he is flipping out on the owner about the unsanitary conditions. And he doesn’t back down or give them an inch. I have never seen a person win in an argument with John Taffer on this show. If he tells you to wash something, you wash something. If he tells you to take out the trash, you take out the trash. If he tells you to change your clothes, you go change your clothes. I think he would be the best wing man at my house. I would love him as back up to tell Nolan to pick up his legos, yell at Emmitt to get his diaper changed, explain to Greta she needs to go to sleep ASAP so her parents can watch another episode of Bar Rescue.

If you haven’t seen the show… I suggest you tune in.

At our house we tune into WCVB daily, mainly because my husband has to watch the weather. Before meeting Steve I rarely watched the news and never selected a specific station as my only news source. Well, Steve has to watch the Channel 5 weather every day because he loves the StormTeam coverage. He talks to Harvey Leonard through the TV screen during every report questioning his predictions for weather patterns. I have become a loyal fan over the years. I tune in along side him, not for the weather, but because I love to hate on the newscasters. Love to hate? Hmmm, that is quite a contradiction. I actually enjoy getting annoyed by the newscasters. Where do we even begin with this news team? I guess a good start would be Ed Harding since he is the central figure at the news desk.

Ed Harding – It feels like he is on every single news cast throughout the day. I think he lives in a small utility closet at the station. When a storm rolls thru New England, Ed will be sitting there at the desk with his reading glasses perched on the end of his nose, a quarter zip sweater over a shirt and tie narrating the falling snow with such overdramatic comments it’s comical. I think during one storm I saw him on the news for like 36 hours straight. He has to be hot with those studio lights shining down on his sweater. Back in the late 2000’s WCVB did a huge overhaul and booted a bunch of newscasters, but Ed still remained. I think he signed some crazy contract in which he works every shift and in return he gets paid in Livestrong Bracelets.

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Bianca Delagarza – Bianca works the early morning news casts because she comes straight from “da club” to work. Her flashy attire is not typical of an anchorwoman. Check out this lacy number she was wearing today. I’m not sure if it is a blouse of neglige? But, I’m sure it doesn’t hurt their ratings with the male viewers in the 35-60 age range.

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She wore this red get up during the blizzard in February. While Ed is bundling up for the storm with his quarter zip sweater, Bianca is cutting holes in her top to make sure that StormTeam coverage doesn’t steal her thunder! She had the whole Boston area in a frenzy… and not to go buy milk!

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Susan Wornick – Susan is another mainstay in the channel 5 newsroom. I just saw her today on the news at noon and she is treading a fine line between lots of bangs and a mullet. She is another newscaster that survived the overhaul in the late 2000’s. While Nat & Chet were forced to retire, they kept Susan so she could keep her health insurance for the weekly screenings at her dermatologist. If anyone has ever seen her chest in HD it is public service announcement for the importance of sunscreen. I’ve noticed that the wardrobe department has started to adorn her with gianormous necklaces to cover up that sunkissed chest. Oh my god, I am so mean. I am seriously only doing this for laughs. I really do like Susan. (I don’t really care about Bianca. And honestly don’t like Ed.) But, Susan she’s a good egg. She’s old school.

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Randy Price – I am not going to say anything bad about Randy because I love him. He and Tom Selleck are the only two people on earth who look handsome with a mustache. He seems down to earth and nice. I am not going to pick on Randy in case I ever meet him in real life. I want to be his friend.

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3 kids and counting...

The only thing that is stopping me from having 20 kids like Michelle & Jim Bob Duggar is that I don’t think I have the energy to make sure that 20 kids brushed their teeth each night. Like, I can barely get myself motivated to brush my own teeth. Never mind brush 8 different sets of toddler teeth and then check in with 12 other older kids to nag/see if they brushed their teeth. And then to manage those bangs on top of it all… I don’t know how Michelle does it.

Little Things Lost

When I was a kid, there was no bigger thrill than going down to Hennessy News in Scituate Harbor to rent a movie and pick out some penny candy. It started as a small shelf of VHS tapes at the front of the store. Each family in town was assigned a number when they signed up for a membership. My family was number 14. I remember the first movie we rented was the Muppets Take Manhattan. And then waiting weeks and weeks for the movie “The Watcher in the Woods” to be available. It was the scariest Disney movie ever made, staring Kyle Richards from the Real Housewives of the Beverly Hills back when she was like 10 years old. Ever since then I’ve wanted to name a dog Nerak, but back to my point. Yes, there is a point. I loved the ritual of going down to rent a movie. You had to scan the shelves, look at the covers, read the summaries on the back. If I was lucky my mum would let me get a candy bar. The new release you really wanted to watch wasn’t always in stock so there wasn’t that instant gratification we have now with OnDemand or Netflix. Sometimes you were forced to rent a movie that wasn’t your top choice, but it ends up being a really good movie and something you never would have watch otherwise. It’s a little bit sad to think that our kids will never experience that same excitement when it comes to renting a movie and the joy that comes when that movie you really wanted to see was actually in stock. And they’ll never know the disappointment of that new release not being available, well unless I don’t pay the cable bill and they can’t order any movies. And that is always a possibility. Oh, and they’ll never know the shame in returning a movie that you forgot to rewind. I always had a little anxiety stepping up to the counter with a return… because we NEVER rewound our movies despite the flourescent sticker on the side reminding us to Be Kind and Rewind. And one more thing kids, if you ever read my blog. Your father was arrested for not returning a movie in New Hampshire. It’s a good story. Ask him about it sometime.

Conductor

There is just something about Keith Lockhart that creeps me out. Like in order to be a conductor, he must be a complete control freak. Just look at the grip he has on his wife’s neck in this picture! She looks horrified and he looks two kinds of crazy. What do think he is whispering to her through that clenched jaw smile? Leave your guess in the comment section.