Archives for category: TV

CeeLo Green uses a service cat on The Voice… Because his arms are too short to reach the button.

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Imagine what some of our favorite TV shows from childhood would be like if they were set in modern times? Here is how different would things be…

The Waltons

Good Night John-Boy

It took the Walton family about an hour to say goodnight to each other at the end of each episode. In this day and age, Daddy would have invested in a good family plan and each kid would have their own iPhone. They could just send out a group text…

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Punky Brewster
Back in the day Punky Brewster was considered to have pretty far out style. Her choice of attire and unique individuality wouldn’t even be considered unique these days! Punky would be “Normal Brewster”

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Little House on the Prairie

First Carrie would have been wearing a helmet while playing on the hill… Preventing any brain damage that occurred in filming the opening credits.

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Nellie Oleson, the biggest brat in the history of television, would have been in some sort of sensitivity training by the end of season one based on the new bullying laws.

Nellie would have no basis for her snobbery, because the Oleson’s general store would have gone under as soon as the new Target went up in Walnut Grove. On the other hand, Harriet Olson would surely have her own reality TV show similar to Dance Moms or something.

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What were your favorite TV shows growing up? How would they be different today?

In an effort to supplement our income and establish a revenue stream that will allow me to stay home forever with my children, I have been brainstorming some new business ideas. I know I’ll always have http://www.peggottyprints.com, but it couldn’t hurt to have some other ways to earn money.

Scituate Turkey Tours – So, I am going to decorate my minivan to look like a giant turkey (then the turkey’s won’t be scared when we drive right up to them and gawk at them). It’s kind of like the TMZ bus tours in Hollywood, only better. I can guarantee sitings on Lawson Rd. & the West End… but the only pit fall is that I will only have two seats available once all my children are in the van with me. I’m going to have to look into getting some sort of trailer with folding chairs duct taped to it.

Lettuce Stand – I’m seriously considering applying for a peddlers license at town hall and opening up a lettuce stand right outside Maria’s during the summer. I’ll charge $2 per handful and out-of-towners will eat it up!

Portable Man Caves – Kind of like those Bouncy Houses you rent for kids parties… these would be little trailers stocked with beer, tv’s (with the NFL Sunday ticket), video games, buffalo wings, etc. You could rent it for your husband and it would be like a little spa day for him.

iPhone Dealer – Looking into buying iPhone’s and spray painting them gold and selling them on the internet.

Fitscaping – I’m hoping to start a new fitness craze that involves training clients by means of landscaping (my yard). Fat burning activities include push mowing my lawn, hauling brush, & shoveling mulch. Clients will pay me to do my yardwork.

A Weight Watchers Program for Pets – Once you get in shape with Fitscape, you are going to want your pets to lead a healthy lifestyle too. I am currently working on a point system for pets looking to lose a few pounds. Baby carrots will definitely be zero points… so go crazy Frances.

Disposable Socks for Infants & Toddlers – They are always losing them anyways. So, why not just accept it. I’m developing a prototype using paper towels as the textile.

Finger Nail Whisperers – These would be trained finger nail technicians that travel to your house after bath time to cut your toddler’s finger nails. They would bring props to distract your flailing child. I know my kids would totally go for it if they brought an old DVD of Cars and a powerwheels with a dead battery to sit in when they clip their nails. Picture Snip Itz, but with finger nails. Oh, wait maybe I should call it Clip Itz.

Did you know that I am the same age as Mama June from the TLC show Honey Boo Boo? We are both 34 years old. Although we are a lot alike in many, many ways… here are a few things that set us apart:

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Mama June in her favorite arm chair.

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Mama Jess on her favorite bench at Storyland

Mama June wears socks at all times because she has a mangled foot from a fork lift accident.

I never wear socks because I can never find matching ones due to a lack of commitment to sorting laundry.

Mama June became a grandmother at age 32.

I have yet to become a grandmother.

Mama June has an intense fear of mayonnaise.

I was kind of scared of mayonnaise for a very long time, but took a liking to it when I turned 32, the same year June became grandmother.

Mama June is very involved in the child beauty pageant community.

I’m not invloved in the beauty pageant community.

Mama June likes to cook, her recipes include things like “sketti & lemonade.”

I like to cook, but I have never made “Sketti” because I don’t like recipes that involve only the ingredients margarine and ketchup.

Mama June wore a camouflaged wedding dress with an orange sash for her commitment ceremony this year.

I wore a white dress for my wedding ceremony.

One thing we do have in common… neither one of us has ever won a beauty pageant.

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With age and children, I’ve become a bit more sentimental or should I say emotional. Don’t get me wrong. I’ve always been a very sentimental person. I love to reminess about the glory days, but they didn’t get me all teary eyed like they do now. It’s probably just hormones or something, but in the last few years I’ve become a crier at the most unusual things.

 
Everyone knows that women are emotional basket cases after childbirth and I could be a hormonal  case study. After Nolan was born I cried when I would put him in his crib at night because I didn’t want him to grow up. And then one night I was up late feeding him and cried watching an episode of Hogan Knows Best. Yes, the Hulk Hogan reality show… I cried during the episode when Brooke heard her first single on the radio. Because I so was so happy for her and deep down inside knew that was probably going to be the pinnacle of her singing career, right then and there. As years went on and I found more quality television programming, I started crying at most episodes of the Kardashians.
 
Here is the weird thing… I don’t cry during the typical girl things like while watching The Notebook or because my favorite purse got ruined. (How dumb was that example? Here is how ungirly I am… I just tried to think of girly things and all I could come up with is purses. I  don’t own a purse, so I don’t even know if people cry about them? I just felt like I needed two good examples of girly crying incidents.)  Here is what I really do cry about.  I cry when watching the Little League World Series every single year. I don’t know what it is about those little kids… I just cry my eyes out whenever there is a big play like a homerun or amazing out. Same thing goes for flash mobs / lip dubs. I can’t stop myself from crying even if it is the dumbest YouTube video of a flash mob to Call Me Maybe. Oh, and Mama Steph songs. I can’t sit in the basement of the Scituate public library listening to Doogie & Finn without secretly wiping my eyes with my sleeves. The announcement of the Royal Baby’s birth… Totally shed a tear. 
 
 
The reason behind it all, is that something changes when you become a parent. The love for your child becomes the touchstone for everything you experience. Watching the little league World Series and seeing those kids accomplish something so cool, makes me think of my own kids and how I hope they accomplish whatever they put their mind to… It doesn’t have to be baseball. I’m so proud of my kids for doing the most basic of things. Like so proud that Emmitt slept thru the night and he’s almost two, proud of Greta for rolling over,  proud of Nolan being potty trained. These are the most basic of life skills… I’m proud of my kid for sleeping? Rolling? Peeing? I can’t imagine the sense of overwhelming emotion I’ll have if they  hit a home run,  graduate college or get married and have kids of their own. It is going to be insane! I might explode with pride  if  this happens… And I’ll probably cry a little bit too.
 
So, what makes you cry? 

Does anyone watch Bar Rescue? My husband and I DVR this show and then watch it after the kids go to bed (whenever we have enough energy to stay up after our kids go to bed, that is!) We have been making the mistake of not extending the recording and it seems that SPIKE tv runs on a slightly different clock than the rest of the world and we miss the last two minutes and never know the follow up details of the how the bar is doing after the big renovation! It’s so annoying. But, enough about our DVR woes… what I am here to talk about it John Taffer. The star of Bar Rescue and the nations leading expert on bars.

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This dude is two kinds of crazy. Just look at his eyes. I love when he walks into the bar to confront the owners. He acts all professional for the initial introduction and within 30 seconds he is flipping out on the owner about the unsanitary conditions. And he doesn’t back down or give them an inch. I have never seen a person win in an argument with John Taffer on this show. If he tells you to wash something, you wash something. If he tells you to take out the trash, you take out the trash. If he tells you to change your clothes, you go change your clothes. I think he would be the best wing man at my house. I would love him as back up to tell Nolan to pick up his legos, yell at Emmitt to get his diaper changed, explain to Greta she needs to go to sleep ASAP so her parents can watch another episode of Bar Rescue.

If you haven’t seen the show… I suggest you tune in.

At our house we tune into WCVB daily, mainly because my husband has to watch the weather. Before meeting Steve I rarely watched the news and never selected a specific station as my only news source. Well, Steve has to watch the Channel 5 weather every day because he loves the StormTeam coverage. He talks to Harvey Leonard through the TV screen during every report questioning his predictions for weather patterns. I have become a loyal fan over the years. I tune in along side him, not for the weather, but because I love to hate on the newscasters. Love to hate? Hmmm, that is quite a contradiction. I actually enjoy getting annoyed by the newscasters. Where do we even begin with this news team? I guess a good start would be Ed Harding since he is the central figure at the news desk.

Ed Harding – It feels like he is on every single news cast throughout the day. I think he lives in a small utility closet at the station. When a storm rolls thru New England, Ed will be sitting there at the desk with his reading glasses perched on the end of his nose, a quarter zip sweater over a shirt and tie narrating the falling snow with such overdramatic comments it’s comical. I think during one storm I saw him on the news for like 36 hours straight. He has to be hot with those studio lights shining down on his sweater. Back in the late 2000’s WCVB did a huge overhaul and booted a bunch of newscasters, but Ed still remained. I think he signed some crazy contract in which he works every shift and in return he gets paid in Livestrong Bracelets.

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Bianca Delagarza – Bianca works the early morning news casts because she comes straight from “da club” to work. Her flashy attire is not typical of an anchorwoman. Check out this lacy number she was wearing today. I’m not sure if it is a blouse of neglige? But, I’m sure it doesn’t hurt their ratings with the male viewers in the 35-60 age range.

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She wore this red get up during the blizzard in February. While Ed is bundling up for the storm with his quarter zip sweater, Bianca is cutting holes in her top to make sure that StormTeam coverage doesn’t steal her thunder! She had the whole Boston area in a frenzy… and not to go buy milk!

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Susan Wornick – Susan is another mainstay in the channel 5 newsroom. I just saw her today on the news at noon and she is treading a fine line between lots of bangs and a mullet. She is another newscaster that survived the overhaul in the late 2000’s. While Nat & Chet were forced to retire, they kept Susan so she could keep her health insurance for the weekly screenings at her dermatologist. If anyone has ever seen her chest in HD it is public service announcement for the importance of sunscreen. I’ve noticed that the wardrobe department has started to adorn her with gianormous necklaces to cover up that sunkissed chest. Oh my god, I am so mean. I am seriously only doing this for laughs. I really do like Susan. (I don’t really care about Bianca. And honestly don’t like Ed.) But, Susan she’s a good egg. She’s old school.

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Randy Price – I am not going to say anything bad about Randy because I love him. He and Tom Selleck are the only two people on earth who look handsome with a mustache. He seems down to earth and nice. I am not going to pick on Randy in case I ever meet him in real life. I want to be his friend.

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The Greenbush Post Office: This post office is hidden away on Ford Place. There is never a line and it has a Mayberry feel to it. The screen on the debit card machine is broken, so it’s always a guessing game if you typed in the right pin… but it’s worth the minor inconvenience. 

The Village Market Clothing Section: I know, I know, I just talked about this place in my last blog post. But, it bears repeating. This place has the best Scituate clothes, hats, sweatshirts, jackets, & baby clothes of any store in town. Hands down the best. 

The Christmas Lights on Hollet Street: There is a house on Hollet Street that decorates the trees in their back yard. It is totally hidden from the street. You have to park your car and walk along a path behind someone’s house. It is a winter wonderland out there that not many people know about.

Breakfast at Widow’s Walk: Oro has a great brunch, Riva is good too. But, for a quick, casual and really good breakfast try the pub at Widow’s Walk on weekend mornings. My kids love it because Jamie the owner sometimes let’s them put cartoons on one of the TV’s and then when they are finished with their breakfast they can go pretend to drive the golf carts down in the cart shed. 

Bassin Lane for Storm Chasing: Whenever a big storm hits in Scituate everyone runs to the lighthouse to see the waves and the Channels 4, 5 & 7 news teams. But, for the coolest view of the biggest waves you have to go down a dirt road off of Gilson Road. Bassin’s Lane is high on third cliff overlooking Peggotty Beach. It is by far the best place to do a little storm chasing without the crowds.

Kukstis Woodcarving Lessons: Looking for a new hobby… Woodcarving Lessons at Paul Kukstis’ Carving Studio in Scituate harbor is the BEST! Paul is the most patient teacher. He has good taste in music. People bring food and chat while they whittle away on their projects. You are guaranteed to laugh the whole night long with the cast of regulars that show up for these weekly lessons. He guides you through carving a quarterboard from start to finish and the end result is always amazing. He helps you accomplish what you didn’t think you could do. It’s also a cool little hobby to mention during job interviews, dinner parties, first dates, police interrogations… visit http://www.kukstis.com for more information about lessons.

The Creek behind Peggotty Beach: The perfect place to go paddle boarding, kayaking or just for a swim. Ride the outgoing current all the way to the bridge and into the harbor or just jump in for a quick swim at high tide. This place is central to many of my childhood memories. There is even a paddle board/surf board rental right out of the Peggotty parking lot if you don’t own a board. 

The Glades: I know, I know… most people know the Glades. But most people only sneak out there in the summer. If you visit the Glades in the winter you have a chance at seeing two cool things. First, if you walk all the way to the end at low tide there are always TONS of seals sunning on the rocks off the point. Second if you climb the rocks on the right as you walk in, and take some binoculars to check out the surf, you might just see one of my favorite birds, the Harlequin Duck. 

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I told you it was a cool duck! 

 

Conductor

There is just something about Keith Lockhart that creeps me out. Like in order to be a conductor, he must be a complete control freak. Just look at the grip he has on his wife’s neck in this picture! She looks horrified and he looks two kinds of crazy. What do think he is whispering to her through that clenched jaw smile? Leave your guess in the comment section.